i have a long list of things that hold a monstrous amount of importance to me. i love Jesus, like an earth shattering amount. i couldn't imagine going through each day without the presence of my Savior. i love my husband. i love my boys. i love my family...immediate, in-laws, all of them. a bunch. i love to create yummy goodness within the four walls of my tiny kitchen. when i am there it is one place i talk to the Lord, and i often dump my bucket to Him while i am preparing food. i love music. i am addicted to it. i love dreaming of what could be.
this list is just the start of my list of biggies. there are loads of things that bring me joy. politics, however, is not on my list. at this point, being october 2, i am pretty much over the scene. i know, there is another month of commercials, debates, opinions, conversations, commentaries, blah, blah, blah.
i get weary of all the promises and garbage that is shoveled. i am tired of all the political facebook posts, discussions, and banter. don't get me wrong, healthy banter and conversations are a good thing, i have just had my fill. i am also tired of the slam of each candidate as well as people sticking up for "their guy" to the point of ridiculousness. we don't really know either of the candidates. we are not personal friends, have not spent quality time with either of them, shared a meal, gone shopping, attended church, or gabbed on the phone. all we know is what we read, observe, and are spoon-fed by the media. and yes, we have to make an educated decision on all of this. bleh.
now please don't label me as anti-american of anything like that. i love our country. i love what it was founded on. i am proud to be an american. i embrace our freedoms, and am grateful. the thing is, everyone has a history or past that shapes who they are, and for me, as a Christ-follower, i come to the table of politics with that conviction first. God is my starting point, and everything in my life stems from that (or at least that is my attempt). because my belief is rooted in Jesus, He is the one i look to for help, healing, deliverance, and provision. He is the only one that truly cares for everyone in our country, and even more so, everyone on our planet.
yes, we need to vote on the next president. yes, life will continue if the guy we didn't vote for wins and governs our country for the next 4 years. however, our next president will not save us from our financial, physical, or spiritual woes. the only One that can be our comforter, provider, healer, and counselor is Jesus! as a christian, i need to do my part as an american, but even with greater zeal i must tell be an example of who Christ is in order to draw people to Him.
well, enough of that.
i would much rather talk about other things, like, i made roasted acorn squash with dinner tonight. AMAZING! first of all, acorn squash are so cute. squatty, and green with splotches of orange. i love when they appear in the produce section! total cuteness. ok, cut the squash in half, scoop out the middle, smear with butter, sprinkle brown sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg. bake at 375* in a shallow dish with 1/4 c water in the bottom, covered for 50 minutes. then uncover and bake for another 10 minutes or so.
like i said, it was amazing.
i love fall.
that's another thing i can put on my list.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
i'm waiting.........
have you ever wanted something so badly you could taste it? i think it is accurate to say we've all been there, at least once! it may be wanting for something tangible...a new house, new clothes, a new car. on the other hand it may be for something closer to the heart. a cure for a loved one struggling with disease, to let go of an addiction, for a child, freedom from depression, basic needs to be met, physical or emotion pain to cease. the list could go on and on.
for me, i have been in this place more than a few times! in my most recent years i have dealt with matters of the heart more often as opposed to being focused on material things. there have been moments in my life that what i was wanting absolutely consumed me. it was all i thought about. it was all i prayed about. endless pleading with the Lord to answer this want. needing it to come true so that i could go on...or so i thought it was what i needed. looking back on those times it felt like God wasn't listening or hearing me accurately. in my heart of hearts i knew he was listening, He was just being quiet. not what you want to realize in the midst of your crisis of WANT!
in reflection, the moments that were most difficult, when i felt like my prayers were being left unanswered it caused me to dig deep in my soul. it caused me to really cry out to God and allow Him to see my soul. in one instance, my husband and i had been through a very difficult situation, one that i never want to revisit. we sat together, praying and talking, trying to figure out what in the world we were going to do. we felt alone. honestly, i felt angry and deserted. i told my husband that i was mad and didn't want to be in this predicament. i wished we could fast forward to six months from that moment so we wouldn't have to experience this great pain and loss. i was ready to pick up and leave town. my heart was broken and my spirit bruised. my husband lovingly listened to me, he let me express myself and then carefully offered these words of encouragement--if we skip this experience right now, if we fast forward, then we are going to miss what God wants to teach us in this situation. frankly, i knew he was right but it was not what i wanted to hear at the moment! the sadness we felt was almost too much, so we cried out to God for comfort and peace as we tried to move on.
eventually, healing started happening. it was slow going, but the Lord started to mend our broken hearts back together. He began to stir hope and trust in our hearts. instead of crossing our arms and staying angry at our situation, we opened our wounds up to Christ and allowed Him to do something new in us. though the pain ran deep, God soothed our spirits and offered healing. was it hard to wait on God? was it sometimes frustrating and seemed to be taking too long? did we feel overwhelmed at times? yes to all of those questions, most definitely! but i can say now, we are five years removed from that difficult situation and the work that God has done in our lives is tremendous! God has blessed us and continues to take care of all our needs. he provided above and beyond what we could've ever asked for! my husband and i would look at eachother and say, "can you believe this? God has given us EXACTLY what we needed!" He taught us a valuable lesson in all of those months. we were reminded that we can truly trust Him with all that is meaningful to us, and when faced with an unforseen catastrophe He is the ultimate rescuer!!!
i do not wish to repeat or experience such difficulties again, but the truth is i know i will. after all, we live in an imperfect place. what i try to remind myself is that no matter what difficulty i will face, i have Jesus with me. facing tragedy does not mean He has left me alone to fend for myself, rather it is an opportunity for Him to show me the boundless ways He can take care of me. i
for me, i have been in this place more than a few times! in my most recent years i have dealt with matters of the heart more often as opposed to being focused on material things. there have been moments in my life that what i was wanting absolutely consumed me. it was all i thought about. it was all i prayed about. endless pleading with the Lord to answer this want. needing it to come true so that i could go on...or so i thought it was what i needed. looking back on those times it felt like God wasn't listening or hearing me accurately. in my heart of hearts i knew he was listening, He was just being quiet. not what you want to realize in the midst of your crisis of WANT!
in reflection, the moments that were most difficult, when i felt like my prayers were being left unanswered it caused me to dig deep in my soul. it caused me to really cry out to God and allow Him to see my soul. in one instance, my husband and i had been through a very difficult situation, one that i never want to revisit. we sat together, praying and talking, trying to figure out what in the world we were going to do. we felt alone. honestly, i felt angry and deserted. i told my husband that i was mad and didn't want to be in this predicament. i wished we could fast forward to six months from that moment so we wouldn't have to experience this great pain and loss. i was ready to pick up and leave town. my heart was broken and my spirit bruised. my husband lovingly listened to me, he let me express myself and then carefully offered these words of encouragement--if we skip this experience right now, if we fast forward, then we are going to miss what God wants to teach us in this situation. frankly, i knew he was right but it was not what i wanted to hear at the moment! the sadness we felt was almost too much, so we cried out to God for comfort and peace as we tried to move on.
eventually, healing started happening. it was slow going, but the Lord started to mend our broken hearts back together. He began to stir hope and trust in our hearts. instead of crossing our arms and staying angry at our situation, we opened our wounds up to Christ and allowed Him to do something new in us. though the pain ran deep, God soothed our spirits and offered healing. was it hard to wait on God? was it sometimes frustrating and seemed to be taking too long? did we feel overwhelmed at times? yes to all of those questions, most definitely! but i can say now, we are five years removed from that difficult situation and the work that God has done in our lives is tremendous! God has blessed us and continues to take care of all our needs. he provided above and beyond what we could've ever asked for! my husband and i would look at eachother and say, "can you believe this? God has given us EXACTLY what we needed!" He taught us a valuable lesson in all of those months. we were reminded that we can truly trust Him with all that is meaningful to us, and when faced with an unforseen catastrophe He is the ultimate rescuer!!!
i do not wish to repeat or experience such difficulties again, but the truth is i know i will. after all, we live in an imperfect place. what i try to remind myself is that no matter what difficulty i will face, i have Jesus with me. facing tragedy does not mean He has left me alone to fend for myself, rather it is an opportunity for Him to show me the boundless ways He can take care of me. i
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
finding my place
our house is hoppin'! pretty much for 14 hours a day our house is moving, talking, jumping, singing, racing, competing, snacking, creating, snuggling, dreaming, listening, experimenting, and on and on and on! it rarely stops, and mostly just slows down a bit when one or more boy is sick. haha! we have a wonderfully wild time here. with four boys running around there is always something to do, something to fix or tidy up, or something to referee.
when i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be a mommy. it was something without question that i knew i wanted. i had countless baby dolls that i swaddled, rocked to sleep, dressed, fed and pushed in the baby stroller. my sister and i played for hours having tea parties and taking care of our babies! christmas morning was especially wonderful because we always received new baby dolls to add to our "family."
i always wanted to have a big family and be a stay at home mommy, and i believe those desires are some of the greatest that the Lord nestled in my spirit from the very beginning. so here we are...almost 12 years later, married to my very best friend, and parents to 4 high spirited boys! wow! sometimes i look at my husband and say, "how is it we have 4 kids?! how awesome!". these boys of ours are our greatest blessing here on earth, and we are forever grateful for them. i have found that parenting is this wild roller coaster ride full of twists and turns, unexpected challenges and moments that are so full of emotion your heart could absolutely burst!
as we are in the baby stage of our last child, i feel like my almost ten years as a mommy has changed me for the better and has challenged me in some unexpected ways. at times i have felt a bit lost as a mom to all boys. i wondered where i would fit into things as time went on. sure, when they are infants and toddlers my role is obvious, but especially as our oldest is practically a ten year old, i keep coming back to the questions and worries about finding a place in the depth of testosterone in my family! i don't want to be that annoying mom that has to pry to feel a part of things, but instead i want a special relationship with them that is welcomed and healthy.
over time i have had to give these concerns to the Lord, knowing that He understands them full well! He knew and planned this path for my life so He isn't a bit surprised at where i am at with my precious family. He has given me a new perspective which has caused me to look at my relationship and responsibility to them in a new way.
because i am the only female in our home, i am the only consistent example of a woman my boys have. they are certainly blessed with christian women that are in their lives, but i am the only one that is here with them day in and day out. it really hit me hard recently to think about this and realize that my behavior, reactions, language, affection, etc. will be their measuring stick for how a woman should or should not conduct herself. my modesty, self image, and opinions of myself and others will shape the way they see girls and women, and will affect how much or little they value females. this was huge for me! recognizing that God has given my husband and i the most precious four boys to raise and then to acknowledge the heaviness of responsibility is unreal! these are aspects that have to be modeled daily, hourly, and even moment by moment.
being a Godly wife and help meet to my husband is another role that i take very seriously. i try to live out this example daily in front of my boys. i want my boys to see their mom being their dad's biggest cheerleader and support in decisions, following his lead as the head of our home, and loving him even when he makes mistakes. i also want my boys to see me as a teammate to my husband instead of a naysayer or critic at every turn. after all, my husband is modeling what a Godly man, husband and daddy is for our boys, and he can't do that to his full potential if i am making the journey difficult! this is something that i have to give to the Lord daily. laying my will aside and letting God have full control of my being is not very easy, but if i can do it, i can be all that my Creator intends.
it's not that i want my boys to grow up and marry women that are exactly like me, but my desire is that, should they marry, they would seek to have a marriage that is a reflection of Christ. marriage aside, one of our huge goals is that our boys would have ears atuned to the voice of God and be ready with discerning hearts full of wisdom as they proceed on their journey. we are trying to equip them to be ready and willing to hear God and do as He asks.
granted, i am not perfect nor will i ever be, but that is where Jesus steps in. each day is a fresh start to be the parent God has called me to be and with Jesus by my side i am able to live by example the wife and mother that He has intended. the beautiful part of all of this is, that when i mess things up, which happens frequently, God is there to pick me up, forgive me and send me on my way again. my husband and i have said countless times to eachother that we don't know how we would ever even attempt to carry out this parenting gig without the Lord! thank goodness we aren't alone on this journey--God has never left our side and has placed wonderful believers on the path to encourage us through each experience.
blessings!
when i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be a mommy. it was something without question that i knew i wanted. i had countless baby dolls that i swaddled, rocked to sleep, dressed, fed and pushed in the baby stroller. my sister and i played for hours having tea parties and taking care of our babies! christmas morning was especially wonderful because we always received new baby dolls to add to our "family."
i always wanted to have a big family and be a stay at home mommy, and i believe those desires are some of the greatest that the Lord nestled in my spirit from the very beginning. so here we are...almost 12 years later, married to my very best friend, and parents to 4 high spirited boys! wow! sometimes i look at my husband and say, "how is it we have 4 kids?! how awesome!". these boys of ours are our greatest blessing here on earth, and we are forever grateful for them. i have found that parenting is this wild roller coaster ride full of twists and turns, unexpected challenges and moments that are so full of emotion your heart could absolutely burst!
as we are in the baby stage of our last child, i feel like my almost ten years as a mommy has changed me for the better and has challenged me in some unexpected ways. at times i have felt a bit lost as a mom to all boys. i wondered where i would fit into things as time went on. sure, when they are infants and toddlers my role is obvious, but especially as our oldest is practically a ten year old, i keep coming back to the questions and worries about finding a place in the depth of testosterone in my family! i don't want to be that annoying mom that has to pry to feel a part of things, but instead i want a special relationship with them that is welcomed and healthy.
over time i have had to give these concerns to the Lord, knowing that He understands them full well! He knew and planned this path for my life so He isn't a bit surprised at where i am at with my precious family. He has given me a new perspective which has caused me to look at my relationship and responsibility to them in a new way.
because i am the only female in our home, i am the only consistent example of a woman my boys have. they are certainly blessed with christian women that are in their lives, but i am the only one that is here with them day in and day out. it really hit me hard recently to think about this and realize that my behavior, reactions, language, affection, etc. will be their measuring stick for how a woman should or should not conduct herself. my modesty, self image, and opinions of myself and others will shape the way they see girls and women, and will affect how much or little they value females. this was huge for me! recognizing that God has given my husband and i the most precious four boys to raise and then to acknowledge the heaviness of responsibility is unreal! these are aspects that have to be modeled daily, hourly, and even moment by moment.
being a Godly wife and help meet to my husband is another role that i take very seriously. i try to live out this example daily in front of my boys. i want my boys to see their mom being their dad's biggest cheerleader and support in decisions, following his lead as the head of our home, and loving him even when he makes mistakes. i also want my boys to see me as a teammate to my husband instead of a naysayer or critic at every turn. after all, my husband is modeling what a Godly man, husband and daddy is for our boys, and he can't do that to his full potential if i am making the journey difficult! this is something that i have to give to the Lord daily. laying my will aside and letting God have full control of my being is not very easy, but if i can do it, i can be all that my Creator intends.
it's not that i want my boys to grow up and marry women that are exactly like me, but my desire is that, should they marry, they would seek to have a marriage that is a reflection of Christ. marriage aside, one of our huge goals is that our boys would have ears atuned to the voice of God and be ready with discerning hearts full of wisdom as they proceed on their journey. we are trying to equip them to be ready and willing to hear God and do as He asks.
granted, i am not perfect nor will i ever be, but that is where Jesus steps in. each day is a fresh start to be the parent God has called me to be and with Jesus by my side i am able to live by example the wife and mother that He has intended. the beautiful part of all of this is, that when i mess things up, which happens frequently, God is there to pick me up, forgive me and send me on my way again. my husband and i have said countless times to eachother that we don't know how we would ever even attempt to carry out this parenting gig without the Lord! thank goodness we aren't alone on this journey--God has never left our side and has placed wonderful believers on the path to encourage us through each experience.
blessings!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
tangible peace, tangible presence
tonight i was quietly reflecting on a few major events in my life. the first few that came to my mind were pretty major...these memories bring up specific memories, some of which are quite personal.
i thought about sitting in the waiting room with my mom, sister, and grandmother as we waited, for what seemed like years. my dad was having emergency open heart surgery, and thankfully my grandmother and i made it just moments before they whisked him off to the operating room. we were able to exchange a few teary hellos and goodbyes, intermingled with i love yous. a memory i won't forget. so we waited. waiting rooms can be so awful. this waiting room was not very comfy, and seriously lacking in interesting decor. it was quiet...almost an uncomfortable quiet. other families and loved ones were camped around the room, waiting. we made conversation as much as possible but, the tension and worry was thick.
something that turned out to be a real blessing happened that afternoon. a man entered the waiting room and came over to our little circle. he knew my mom, as he was a friend of my parent's. he pulled up a chair and began chatting with us. out of nervousness and painful worry, i was ready for him to stop talking and leave. he then pulled out his Bible and began reading scripture to us. this was literally as if someone were pouring a healing oil over my entire being. as he read the words from isaiah 43, tears fell and soon turned into what seemed like a river. "but now, this is what the Lord says--he who created you, o jacob, he who formed you, o israel; 'fear not, for i have redeemed you; i have summoned you by name; you are mine. when you pass through the waters, i will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. for i am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of israel, your Savior..." shortly after he finished reading, he excused himself.
when he was reading aloud those wondrous words, i felt a most tangible peace wash over me! it was amazing. it didn't diminish all the worry, but it certainly put it into perspective. it felt like the presence of God was covering us, like we could have reached out and grasped Him. simply amazing.
another memory that came over me was experiencing the birth of our fourth boy. having another child came with a great amount of prayer and seeking, as this would be my fourth c-section. a new doctor to us came highly recommended by a dear friend, so we continued our search for guidance in this decision. not only did he have a wonderful reputation, but he was a believer, which was a huge comfort to us! he gave us a green light on having another baby, so once we were pregnant he was our OB.
i loved being pregnant! all four of my pregnancies were great experiences, and honestly, when they were over i had a bit of sadness. granted, holding that tiny precious pink person surpasses even the best pregnancy!:) so this last pregnancy was pretty much a breeze. i had morning sickness around the clock for the first 15 weeks, but other than that i had not one complication. we had much for which to be thankful! as with my other c-sections, my anxiety did build a little more each day by the last month. any surgery has it's own set of risks, and this was no different. the fact that it was my fourth was kind of a big deal, so we bathed our days and nights in prayer. we began praying each day about the delivery date when we first found out we were pregnant. we prayed for peace, a smooth surgery, we prayed for the nurses, for our doctor, for the spinal i would recieve. you name it, we prayed for it! in the past i have prayed that we "trust God with all that we have" and so this was a great opportunity to put that into practice. my precious husband was very nervous, but he trusted the Lord as well! our doctor put us at ease, as he discussed surgery plans and referred to his trust in the Lord for this experience. it was refreshing!
our doctor came to see me just minutes before they wheeled me down to the operating room. he took my hand and calmed my nervousness and told me he'd been in prayer just a little before that and that he was trusting that all would go well. then, my husband and i parted ways, soon to meet up in the operating room. as i was getting my spinal my nervousness mounted and i was trying to stay focused on the Lord, all the while praying quietly in my spirit. as soon as the spinal was successfully administered and they layed me down, this wonderful, sweet peace washed over me. tangible peace. my husband came in, decked out in his scrubs, and mask. my doctor came in, cheery and in high spirits. more tangible peace. God's presence was so fantastic, it couldn't have been mistaken for anything else! all my fears and anxiety were wiped away as i laid on that operating table awaiting the sound of my precious baby's cry.
these two experiences are not my only times of experiencing God's tangible presence. in fact, as i write this there are so many other memories that come to mind. moments i pray never fade from my mind, as they are sweet reminders of how God has seen me through difficult situations. times i needed to trust in Him in order to grow, and be a mirror image of Him to those around me.
i'm ready for more tangible God moments!
i thought about sitting in the waiting room with my mom, sister, and grandmother as we waited, for what seemed like years. my dad was having emergency open heart surgery, and thankfully my grandmother and i made it just moments before they whisked him off to the operating room. we were able to exchange a few teary hellos and goodbyes, intermingled with i love yous. a memory i won't forget. so we waited. waiting rooms can be so awful. this waiting room was not very comfy, and seriously lacking in interesting decor. it was quiet...almost an uncomfortable quiet. other families and loved ones were camped around the room, waiting. we made conversation as much as possible but, the tension and worry was thick.
something that turned out to be a real blessing happened that afternoon. a man entered the waiting room and came over to our little circle. he knew my mom, as he was a friend of my parent's. he pulled up a chair and began chatting with us. out of nervousness and painful worry, i was ready for him to stop talking and leave. he then pulled out his Bible and began reading scripture to us. this was literally as if someone were pouring a healing oil over my entire being. as he read the words from isaiah 43, tears fell and soon turned into what seemed like a river. "but now, this is what the Lord says--he who created you, o jacob, he who formed you, o israel; 'fear not, for i have redeemed you; i have summoned you by name; you are mine. when you pass through the waters, i will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. for i am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of israel, your Savior..." shortly after he finished reading, he excused himself.
when he was reading aloud those wondrous words, i felt a most tangible peace wash over me! it was amazing. it didn't diminish all the worry, but it certainly put it into perspective. it felt like the presence of God was covering us, like we could have reached out and grasped Him. simply amazing.
another memory that came over me was experiencing the birth of our fourth boy. having another child came with a great amount of prayer and seeking, as this would be my fourth c-section. a new doctor to us came highly recommended by a dear friend, so we continued our search for guidance in this decision. not only did he have a wonderful reputation, but he was a believer, which was a huge comfort to us! he gave us a green light on having another baby, so once we were pregnant he was our OB.
i loved being pregnant! all four of my pregnancies were great experiences, and honestly, when they were over i had a bit of sadness. granted, holding that tiny precious pink person surpasses even the best pregnancy!:) so this last pregnancy was pretty much a breeze. i had morning sickness around the clock for the first 15 weeks, but other than that i had not one complication. we had much for which to be thankful! as with my other c-sections, my anxiety did build a little more each day by the last month. any surgery has it's own set of risks, and this was no different. the fact that it was my fourth was kind of a big deal, so we bathed our days and nights in prayer. we began praying each day about the delivery date when we first found out we were pregnant. we prayed for peace, a smooth surgery, we prayed for the nurses, for our doctor, for the spinal i would recieve. you name it, we prayed for it! in the past i have prayed that we "trust God with all that we have" and so this was a great opportunity to put that into practice. my precious husband was very nervous, but he trusted the Lord as well! our doctor put us at ease, as he discussed surgery plans and referred to his trust in the Lord for this experience. it was refreshing!
our doctor came to see me just minutes before they wheeled me down to the operating room. he took my hand and calmed my nervousness and told me he'd been in prayer just a little before that and that he was trusting that all would go well. then, my husband and i parted ways, soon to meet up in the operating room. as i was getting my spinal my nervousness mounted and i was trying to stay focused on the Lord, all the while praying quietly in my spirit. as soon as the spinal was successfully administered and they layed me down, this wonderful, sweet peace washed over me. tangible peace. my husband came in, decked out in his scrubs, and mask. my doctor came in, cheery and in high spirits. more tangible peace. God's presence was so fantastic, it couldn't have been mistaken for anything else! all my fears and anxiety were wiped away as i laid on that operating table awaiting the sound of my precious baby's cry.
these two experiences are not my only times of experiencing God's tangible presence. in fact, as i write this there are so many other memories that come to mind. moments i pray never fade from my mind, as they are sweet reminders of how God has seen me through difficult situations. times i needed to trust in Him in order to grow, and be a mirror image of Him to those around me.
i'm ready for more tangible God moments!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
the music in me
music has been a constant in my life. i sing everywhere...while cooking, grocery shopping (yes, i am that shopper), cleaning. i sing to my four boys as we are doing things together. for me, music is a must. it is an outlet, a stress reliever, an expression.
in the years of my love for music my interests and musical addictions have a far reaching range. i started out in elementary school loving amy grant and thus collected many of her tapes (haha--how far we've come since cassette tapes!). i blared her in my room on my stereo and blasted her tunes on my headphones. my musical interests evolved over the years, some of which i am not particularly proud of, but nonetheless it is what it is. during middle and highschool and college i went through different phases...all eighties pop, whitney houston, bon jovie, michael jackson, stryper, michael w. smith, classical, twila paris, a brief rap phase, back to michael jackson, techno, a big country phase, bebe and cece winans, babbie mason, musical tunes, steve curtis chapman, and the list could go on and on.
for the last few years i have fallen in love with how worship music has evolved and the different bands and artists that have surfaced. it has been a powerful tool that i've taken advantage of in my walk with Christ. in my kitchen while cooking and baking i've been listening to a cd entitled "hymns ancient and modern" (put out by passion). i am not typically drawn to hymns, but this cd has a twist in which each artist featured puts their own spin on an old hymn to make it a bit more modern.
the song i've been stuck on and mulling over in my mind is "father let me dedicate". the lyrics are as follows:
Father let me dedicate all this life to Thee
In whatever worldly state Thou would have me be
Not from sorrow, pain or care, freedom dare i claim
This alone shall be my prayer, glorify Thy Name
Can a child presume to choose where or how to live?
Can a Father's love refuse all the best to give?
Let my glad heart, while it sings, Thee in all proclaim
And, whate'er the future brings, glorify Thy Name
Be glorified in me, be glorified
Be glorified in me, be glorified
matt redman was the featured artist for this song and he added the last two lines which tie the song together beautifully.
i found myself singing this over and over for multiple days and began to ask myself what exactly it means for me. what does it mean for God to be glorified? how does that look? what picture does it paint? the answer i came to is not an easy one to accept sometimes.
just as the first verse of the song states, whatever situation i find myself in i ought to glorify the name of Christ. i have to decide that i will give praise and honor to God whether i am on a mountaintop and things are going well, or if i am in the most deep and dark valley being pummeled with discouragement. even though it is uncomfortable and unlovely, i cannot claim independence from the grief the world offers. instead i can bravely enter in the difficult situations with Jesus at my side, ready to weather the storm.
knowing that God is the source of all goodness, joy, faith, provision, healing, etc. makes it possible to have a 'glad heart', as stated in the song. when i believe that all i endure, whether positive or negative, is under God's hand and He is in control i can truly glorify His name.
Lord, i pray that i would glorify Your Name in each thought that crosses my mind, in each word uttered, and in each situation i find myself in. help me be Your reflection. amen.
in the years of my love for music my interests and musical addictions have a far reaching range. i started out in elementary school loving amy grant and thus collected many of her tapes (haha--how far we've come since cassette tapes!). i blared her in my room on my stereo and blasted her tunes on my headphones. my musical interests evolved over the years, some of which i am not particularly proud of, but nonetheless it is what it is. during middle and highschool and college i went through different phases...all eighties pop, whitney houston, bon jovie, michael jackson, stryper, michael w. smith, classical, twila paris, a brief rap phase, back to michael jackson, techno, a big country phase, bebe and cece winans, babbie mason, musical tunes, steve curtis chapman, and the list could go on and on.
for the last few years i have fallen in love with how worship music has evolved and the different bands and artists that have surfaced. it has been a powerful tool that i've taken advantage of in my walk with Christ. in my kitchen while cooking and baking i've been listening to a cd entitled "hymns ancient and modern" (put out by passion). i am not typically drawn to hymns, but this cd has a twist in which each artist featured puts their own spin on an old hymn to make it a bit more modern.
the song i've been stuck on and mulling over in my mind is "father let me dedicate". the lyrics are as follows:
Father let me dedicate all this life to Thee
In whatever worldly state Thou would have me be
Not from sorrow, pain or care, freedom dare i claim
This alone shall be my prayer, glorify Thy Name
Can a child presume to choose where or how to live?
Can a Father's love refuse all the best to give?
Let my glad heart, while it sings, Thee in all proclaim
And, whate'er the future brings, glorify Thy Name
Be glorified in me, be glorified
Be glorified in me, be glorified
matt redman was the featured artist for this song and he added the last two lines which tie the song together beautifully.
i found myself singing this over and over for multiple days and began to ask myself what exactly it means for me. what does it mean for God to be glorified? how does that look? what picture does it paint? the answer i came to is not an easy one to accept sometimes.
just as the first verse of the song states, whatever situation i find myself in i ought to glorify the name of Christ. i have to decide that i will give praise and honor to God whether i am on a mountaintop and things are going well, or if i am in the most deep and dark valley being pummeled with discouragement. even though it is uncomfortable and unlovely, i cannot claim independence from the grief the world offers. instead i can bravely enter in the difficult situations with Jesus at my side, ready to weather the storm.
knowing that God is the source of all goodness, joy, faith, provision, healing, etc. makes it possible to have a 'glad heart', as stated in the song. when i believe that all i endure, whether positive or negative, is under God's hand and He is in control i can truly glorify His name.
Lord, i pray that i would glorify Your Name in each thought that crosses my mind, in each word uttered, and in each situation i find myself in. help me be Your reflection. amen.
Monday, January 16, 2012
new beginnings
cracking open a brand new journal...clean pages just waiting to be filled with life's experiences and moments of growth. completely void of erased words or crossed out thoughts. my personal record of life. a composition in the works.
i have journaled, dating back to my junior high years. i have journals that i poured my feelings into from middle school--heaven help us--those are a bit embarassing to revisit! i have journals from highschool and college that earmark big events in my life, some great and some of pain and searching. i have journaled throughout my almost 12 years of marriage, recording joys i don't wish to forget as well as challenges that needed divine direction.
if you were to read each entry there would be a common theme. even though the junior high journals are littered with which boy i had a crush on, the music i liked, and things i hoped for, there were paragraphs and sentences reaching out to God in my search to know Him better. those were the early years of beginning to understand more about Him and i often used my journal entries to talk to Him. in highschool, for sure i wrote about similair things---boys, school, youth group. i also journaled about trusting God and growing my faith in Him, and my writing was theraputic as i poured out my heart to the Lord. in college, i journaled on and off through different seasons of my life. i wrote through times of painful growth that i felt would kill me, and i rejoiced through recording moments of God's provision and protection. in my years of marriage i journaled about new experiences--day to day life as a married couple, having children and needing wisdom in raising them. you would find entries about wanting to have a fourth baby and how my husband and i prayed about and investigated adoption. there are entries about needing to trust God for His direction, provision, and healing. there are praises to God in His blessings and answers to our prayers.
in similair fashion i want to continue to record my life's events and things i am learning, if only for my kids to read someday. my walk with God is an ongoing journey, ever changing and evolving. with the use of blogging i plan to share my heart hopefully it will be an encouragement to someone, even if my husband and parents are the only ones who read this!:)
if you choose to tune in, welcome!
i have journaled, dating back to my junior high years. i have journals that i poured my feelings into from middle school--heaven help us--those are a bit embarassing to revisit! i have journals from highschool and college that earmark big events in my life, some great and some of pain and searching. i have journaled throughout my almost 12 years of marriage, recording joys i don't wish to forget as well as challenges that needed divine direction.
if you were to read each entry there would be a common theme. even though the junior high journals are littered with which boy i had a crush on, the music i liked, and things i hoped for, there were paragraphs and sentences reaching out to God in my search to know Him better. those were the early years of beginning to understand more about Him and i often used my journal entries to talk to Him. in highschool, for sure i wrote about similair things---boys, school, youth group. i also journaled about trusting God and growing my faith in Him, and my writing was theraputic as i poured out my heart to the Lord. in college, i journaled on and off through different seasons of my life. i wrote through times of painful growth that i felt would kill me, and i rejoiced through recording moments of God's provision and protection. in my years of marriage i journaled about new experiences--day to day life as a married couple, having children and needing wisdom in raising them. you would find entries about wanting to have a fourth baby and how my husband and i prayed about and investigated adoption. there are entries about needing to trust God for His direction, provision, and healing. there are praises to God in His blessings and answers to our prayers.
in similair fashion i want to continue to record my life's events and things i am learning, if only for my kids to read someday. my walk with God is an ongoing journey, ever changing and evolving. with the use of blogging i plan to share my heart hopefully it will be an encouragement to someone, even if my husband and parents are the only ones who read this!:)
if you choose to tune in, welcome!
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