our house is hoppin'! pretty much for 14 hours a day our house is moving, talking, jumping, singing, racing, competing, snacking, creating, snuggling, dreaming, listening, experimenting, and on and on and on! it rarely stops, and mostly just slows down a bit when one or more boy is sick. haha! we have a wonderfully wild time here. with four boys running around there is always something to do, something to fix or tidy up, or something to referee.
when i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be a mommy. it was something without question that i knew i wanted. i had countless baby dolls that i swaddled, rocked to sleep, dressed, fed and pushed in the baby stroller. my sister and i played for hours having tea parties and taking care of our babies! christmas morning was especially wonderful because we always received new baby dolls to add to our "family."
i always wanted to have a big family and be a stay at home mommy, and i believe those desires are some of the greatest that the Lord nestled in my spirit from the very beginning. so here we are...almost 12 years later, married to my very best friend, and parents to 4 high spirited boys! wow! sometimes i look at my husband and say, "how is it we have 4 kids?! how awesome!". these boys of ours are our greatest blessing here on earth, and we are forever grateful for them. i have found that parenting is this wild roller coaster ride full of twists and turns, unexpected challenges and moments that are so full of emotion your heart could absolutely burst!
as we are in the baby stage of our last child, i feel like my almost ten years as a mommy has changed me for the better and has challenged me in some unexpected ways. at times i have felt a bit lost as a mom to all boys. i wondered where i would fit into things as time went on. sure, when they are infants and toddlers my role is obvious, but especially as our oldest is practically a ten year old, i keep coming back to the questions and worries about finding a place in the depth of testosterone in my family! i don't want to be that annoying mom that has to pry to feel a part of things, but instead i want a special relationship with them that is welcomed and healthy.
over time i have had to give these concerns to the Lord, knowing that He understands them full well! He knew and planned this path for my life so He isn't a bit surprised at where i am at with my precious family. He has given me a new perspective which has caused me to look at my relationship and responsibility to them in a new way.
because i am the only female in our home, i am the only consistent example of a woman my boys have. they are certainly blessed with christian women that are in their lives, but i am the only one that is here with them day in and day out. it really hit me hard recently to think about this and realize that my behavior, reactions, language, affection, etc. will be their measuring stick for how a woman should or should not conduct herself. my modesty, self image, and opinions of myself and others will shape the way they see girls and women, and will affect how much or little they value females. this was huge for me! recognizing that God has given my husband and i the most precious four boys to raise and then to acknowledge the heaviness of responsibility is unreal! these are aspects that have to be modeled daily, hourly, and even moment by moment.
being a Godly wife and help meet to my husband is another role that i take very seriously. i try to live out this example daily in front of my boys. i want my boys to see their mom being their dad's biggest cheerleader and support in decisions, following his lead as the head of our home, and loving him even when he makes mistakes. i also want my boys to see me as a teammate to my husband instead of a naysayer or critic at every turn. after all, my husband is modeling what a Godly man, husband and daddy is for our boys, and he can't do that to his full potential if i am making the journey difficult! this is something that i have to give to the Lord daily. laying my will aside and letting God have full control of my being is not very easy, but if i can do it, i can be all that my Creator intends.
it's not that i want my boys to grow up and marry women that are exactly like me, but my desire is that, should they marry, they would seek to have a marriage that is a reflection of Christ. marriage aside, one of our huge goals is that our boys would have ears atuned to the voice of God and be ready with discerning hearts full of wisdom as they proceed on their journey. we are trying to equip them to be ready and willing to hear God and do as He asks.
granted, i am not perfect nor will i ever be, but that is where Jesus steps in. each day is a fresh start to be the parent God has called me to be and with Jesus by my side i am able to live by example the wife and mother that He has intended. the beautiful part of all of this is, that when i mess things up, which happens frequently, God is there to pick me up, forgive me and send me on my way again. my husband and i have said countless times to eachother that we don't know how we would ever even attempt to carry out this parenting gig without the Lord! thank goodness we aren't alone on this journey--God has never left our side and has placed wonderful believers on the path to encourage us through each experience.
blessings!
