tonight i was quietly reflecting on a few major events in my life. the first few that came to my mind were pretty major...these memories bring up specific memories, some of which are quite personal.
i thought about sitting in the waiting room with my mom, sister, and grandmother as we waited, for what seemed like years. my dad was having emergency open heart surgery, and thankfully my grandmother and i made it just moments before they whisked him off to the operating room. we were able to exchange a few teary hellos and goodbyes, intermingled with i love yous. a memory i won't forget. so we waited. waiting rooms can be so awful. this waiting room was not very comfy, and seriously lacking in interesting decor. it was quiet...almost an uncomfortable quiet. other families and loved ones were camped around the room, waiting. we made conversation as much as possible but, the tension and worry was thick.
something that turned out to be a real blessing happened that afternoon. a man entered the waiting room and came over to our little circle. he knew my mom, as he was a friend of my parent's. he pulled up a chair and began chatting with us. out of nervousness and painful worry, i was ready for him to stop talking and leave. he then pulled out his Bible and began reading scripture to us. this was literally as if someone were pouring a healing oil over my entire being. as he read the words from isaiah 43, tears fell and soon turned into what seemed like a river. "but now, this is what the Lord says--he who created you, o jacob, he who formed you, o israel; 'fear not, for i have redeemed you; i have summoned you by name; you are mine. when you pass through the waters, i will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. for i am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of israel, your Savior..." shortly after he finished reading, he excused himself.
when he was reading aloud those wondrous words, i felt a most tangible peace wash over me! it was amazing. it didn't diminish all the worry, but it certainly put it into perspective. it felt like the presence of God was covering us, like we could have reached out and grasped Him. simply amazing.
another memory that came over me was experiencing the birth of our fourth boy. having another child came with a great amount of prayer and seeking, as this would be my fourth c-section. a new doctor to us came highly recommended by a dear friend, so we continued our search for guidance in this decision. not only did he have a wonderful reputation, but he was a believer, which was a huge comfort to us! he gave us a green light on having another baby, so once we were pregnant he was our OB.
i loved being pregnant! all four of my pregnancies were great experiences, and honestly, when they were over i had a bit of sadness. granted, holding that tiny precious pink person surpasses even the best pregnancy!:) so this last pregnancy was pretty much a breeze. i had morning sickness around the clock for the first 15 weeks, but other than that i had not one complication. we had much for which to be thankful! as with my other c-sections, my anxiety did build a little more each day by the last month. any surgery has it's own set of risks, and this was no different. the fact that it was my fourth was kind of a big deal, so we bathed our days and nights in prayer. we began praying each day about the delivery date when we first found out we were pregnant. we prayed for peace, a smooth surgery, we prayed for the nurses, for our doctor, for the spinal i would recieve. you name it, we prayed for it! in the past i have prayed that we "trust God with all that we have" and so this was a great opportunity to put that into practice. my precious husband was very nervous, but he trusted the Lord as well! our doctor put us at ease, as he discussed surgery plans and referred to his trust in the Lord for this experience. it was refreshing!
our doctor came to see me just minutes before they wheeled me down to the operating room. he took my hand and calmed my nervousness and told me he'd been in prayer just a little before that and that he was trusting that all would go well. then, my husband and i parted ways, soon to meet up in the operating room. as i was getting my spinal my nervousness mounted and i was trying to stay focused on the Lord, all the while praying quietly in my spirit. as soon as the spinal was successfully administered and they layed me down, this wonderful, sweet peace washed over me. tangible peace. my husband came in, decked out in his scrubs, and mask. my doctor came in, cheery and in high spirits. more tangible peace. God's presence was so fantastic, it couldn't have been mistaken for anything else! all my fears and anxiety were wiped away as i laid on that operating table awaiting the sound of my precious baby's cry.
these two experiences are not my only times of experiencing God's tangible presence. in fact, as i write this there are so many other memories that come to mind. moments i pray never fade from my mind, as they are sweet reminders of how God has seen me through difficult situations. times i needed to trust in Him in order to grow, and be a mirror image of Him to those around me.
i'm ready for more tangible God moments!
i love you, rachel.
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