have you ever wanted something so badly you could taste it? i think it is accurate to say we've all been there, at least once! it may be wanting for something tangible...a new house, new clothes, a new car. on the other hand it may be for something closer to the heart. a cure for a loved one struggling with disease, to let go of an addiction, for a child, freedom from depression, basic needs to be met, physical or emotion pain to cease. the list could go on and on.
for me, i have been in this place more than a few times! in my most recent years i have dealt with matters of the heart more often as opposed to being focused on material things. there have been moments in my life that what i was wanting absolutely consumed me. it was all i thought about. it was all i prayed about. endless pleading with the Lord to answer this want. needing it to come true so that i could go on...or so i thought it was what i needed. looking back on those times it felt like God wasn't listening or hearing me accurately. in my heart of hearts i knew he was listening, He was just being quiet. not what you want to realize in the midst of your crisis of WANT!
in reflection, the moments that were most difficult, when i felt like my prayers were being left unanswered it caused me to dig deep in my soul. it caused me to really cry out to God and allow Him to see my soul. in one instance, my husband and i had been through a very difficult situation, one that i never want to revisit. we sat together, praying and talking, trying to figure out what in the world we were going to do. we felt alone. honestly, i felt angry and deserted. i told my husband that i was mad and didn't want to be in this predicament. i wished we could fast forward to six months from that moment so we wouldn't have to experience this great pain and loss. i was ready to pick up and leave town. my heart was broken and my spirit bruised. my husband lovingly listened to me, he let me express myself and then carefully offered these words of encouragement--if we skip this experience right now, if we fast forward, then we are going to miss what God wants to teach us in this situation. frankly, i knew he was right but it was not what i wanted to hear at the moment! the sadness we felt was almost too much, so we cried out to God for comfort and peace as we tried to move on.
eventually, healing started happening. it was slow going, but the Lord started to mend our broken hearts back together. He began to stir hope and trust in our hearts. instead of crossing our arms and staying angry at our situation, we opened our wounds up to Christ and allowed Him to do something new in us. though the pain ran deep, God soothed our spirits and offered healing. was it hard to wait on God? was it sometimes frustrating and seemed to be taking too long? did we feel overwhelmed at times? yes to all of those questions, most definitely! but i can say now, we are five years removed from that difficult situation and the work that God has done in our lives is tremendous! God has blessed us and continues to take care of all our needs. he provided above and beyond what we could've ever asked for! my husband and i would look at eachother and say, "can you believe this? God has given us EXACTLY what we needed!" He taught us a valuable lesson in all of those months. we were reminded that we can truly trust Him with all that is meaningful to us, and when faced with an unforseen catastrophe He is the ultimate rescuer!!!
i do not wish to repeat or experience such difficulties again, but the truth is i know i will. after all, we live in an imperfect place. what i try to remind myself is that no matter what difficulty i will face, i have Jesus with me. facing tragedy does not mean He has left me alone to fend for myself, rather it is an opportunity for Him to show me the boundless ways He can take care of me. i
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